I Dumped the Spinal Surgeon...

He Was Working My Last Nerve!

I'd Like to Date Cat Woman...

I'd Whisk 'er Off Her Feet!

I Got a Job at the Flower Shop...

And Quickly Rose to the Top!

I Tried to be a Surgeon...

But I Didn't Make the Cut!

When His Heart Attacked...

They Put it Under Cardiac Arrest!

I Tried to Kill the Writer...

So They Threw Me in the Pen!

I'd Used to be an Undertaker..

But I Didn't Dig It!

I Used to Date a Lingerie Model...

But She Gave Me the Slip!

This Site Got a Hundred Hits...

Now It's in a Coma!

I'd Like to Date My Secratary...

But I Don't Think I'm Her Type!

My Wife Left Me To Become a Nun...

I Won't Miss Her Bad Habits!

I Used to Date a Judge...

We Painted The Gown Red!

I Went Out With the Soccer Coach...

But I Didn't Let Him Score!

I Used to Date a Lawyer...

But He Always Got Defensive!

I Asked the Librarian to be my Valentine...

And She Got Quite Dewey Eyed!

The Stock Broker Went Bald...

He Blamed the Recession!

I Opened Up a Sushi Bar...

But the Business Quickly Floundered!

The Barber Lost Some Clients...

So He Had to Make Some Cuts!

The Bakery Was Failing...

But Now It's On a Roll!

I Went Out With The Engineer...

But There Wasn't Much of a Spark!

I Got Hit On By a Hunter...

But He Had No Game!

I Dated Every Queen in England...

scept 'er!

I Used to Date a Bartender...

But She Mixed With the Wrong Crowd!

I'd Like to Be a Doctor...

But I Haven't Got the Patients!

I Asked Out a Tibetan Girl...

But She Said She Was Occupied!

I Used to Date an Actor...

But I Thought He Lacked Direction!

I'd Like to Start a Zoo...

But I Need a Few Bucks!

I Broke Up With the Mathematician...

We Were Divided On Many Things!

I'd Like to Take Up Smoking...

But My Doc Says It's a Drag!

I Used to Date a Secret Agent...

We Shared Quite a Bond!

I Used to Date a Jew...

But He Torah 'part my Heart!

I Used to Date a Meter Maid...

She Had a Ticket or Leave It Attitude!

I'd Like to Know How Many People Visit This Site...

Free Counter

I Asked Out the Hunter...

But He Shot Me Down!

I Was President of a Fruit Cannery...

But I Got Impeached!

I Used to Date a Scarecrow...

He Was an Expert in His Field!

I Used to Date a Lion...

When I Had Jungle Fever!

I Used to Date a Tinman...

But He Was Rusty in the Sack!

I Used to Work in a Greenhouses...

But I Couldn't Break Through the Glass Ceiling!

I'd Like to Read Another Article About Swine Flu...

But I Think It'd Be a Boar!

I Used to Date a Genie...

But She Was Really Bottled Up!

I Used to Date a Painter...

Until He Had His Brush With Fame!

I Used to Date a Mule...

But I Burdened Her Too Much!

I Used to Date a Pirate...

But We Arrrrrrgued All the Time!

I'm Good Friends With a Shark...

But He Says I'm Not His Favorite Chum!

I Used to Date a Banker...

But She Left Me All A-Loan!

The chef was also a devout Christian...

He Served God... On a Bed of Rice With a Glass of Merlot!

I Used to Date a Potato Farmer...

But He Was Really Fried!

I Used to Own Sheep...

But It Didn't Behoove Me!

I Used to be a Roofer...

It Was the Shingle Worst Job I've Ever Had!

I Used to be a Laundress...

But It Really Washed Me Out!

They Made Me Take the Breathalyzer Test...

But I Blew It!

I Married The Plumber...

Because He Could Really Lay the Pipe!

My Pregnant Wife Made Many Promises...

But She Just Couldn't Deliver!

I Used to be Russian...

But Now I've Slowed Down!

I Used to Be In Construction...

But I'm All Finished Now!

I Started to Date an Astronaut...

But We Never Took Off!

I Used to Date a Carpenter...

But He Was Very Walled Off!

We Walked The Mutineers Off the Plank...

For Trying to Make Waves!

I Used to Date a Scientist...

But I Made Him Quite Mad!

I Used to Work In Italy...

But They Gave Me The Boot!

I Used to Race Horses...

But They Always Won!

I Used to Date a Rabbi...

He Was Really a Kippah!

I Drank Beer at the Bowling Alley...

But It Made Me Throw Up!

I'd Write a Witch a Letter...

If I Knew How to Spell!

I Used to Fly a Plane...

But I Couldn't Keep it Up!

I Used to Date an Accountant...

She Was Right on the Money!

We Dressed Up Like Cowboys...

And They Said "What Handsome Chaps!"

I Used to Date a Mathematician...

But He Had Problems!

My Therapist Might Be a Pirate...

He's Really Got Me Pegged!

I Used to Date a Magazine Editor...

But He Had Issues!

I'd Love to be a Tennis Star...

But I Can't Stand All the Racket!

I Used to Walk the Red Carpet...

Before I Rolled Out!

I Had to Dump the Cobbler...

He Just Wasn't My Sole-Mate!

I Used to Date a Typist...

But She Really Pushed My Buttons!

I Used to be Quite Frightened of Elevators...

But That's Another Storey!

I Used to Be a Lumberjack...

Until They Gave Me the Ax!

I Look Terrible In Glasses...

So Put Me On a Plate!

I Spent a Week in Turkey...

Now They Say I Ruined Thanksgiving!

I Spent a Week in Georgia...

She Was Quite Sore Afterwards!

I Used to Be a Gardener...

But I Had to Branch Out!

I Used to Date a Land-lady,

She Kept Me on a Short Lease!

I Used to Date a Cannibal...

But He Found Me Hard to Swallow!

I Used to be a Mountain Climber...

But I Found My Career Peaked!

I Flunked Out of Flight School...

For Getting High When I Was Working!

I Used to be a Paper Boy...

But I Got Ripped Off!

I Used to Date a Tailor...

But He Didn't Suit Me!

I Used to Play Professional Squash...

But I Found I Hit a Wall!

I Used to be a Gymnast...

But I Hit the Bars Too Much!

I used to be a Ballerina...

But I Couldn't See the Point!